


so maybe, just maybe, love was this

by Otpismyoxygen



Series: Atsumu's Sun and Osamu's Moon [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otpismyoxygen/pseuds/Otpismyoxygen
Summary: "So you'll die if I break your heart?" Kei asked.Osamu smiled. "I think so."Osamu learned about love through Tsukishima Kei.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Atsumu's Sun and Osamu's Moon [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729045
Comments: 12
Kudos: 256





	so maybe, just maybe, love was this

**Author's Note:**

> The spin off of 'bad choices make good stories' from Osamu's pov just as I promised.
> 
> Also
> 
> Happy osatsukki day 11/11!

_"So… Shouyo's best friend is still single."_

The first thought that came to Osamu’s mind as soon as he heard the sentence uttered by his twin from across the line was that, _Shouyo-kun has a best friend?_ Because he knew that Shouyo had a lot of friends, and rivals, but he thought he had no one he was really close to to be called best friend.

The second thought was, _So Shouyo-kun has a best friend who’s still single. Cool._

Then the last thought was, _Why do I need to know this?_

And basically from there, Osamu could tell the direction where this conversation was going.

“Nope,” he answered instantly, which only resulted in Atsumu’s annoying whine close to his ear.

_“You don’t even know who I am talking about.”_

Osamu decided to entertain him just this once because he needed to get back to his cooked rice and open his shop. “Alright, let me guess. Kageyama.”

_“Um, I’m not that mean to try to introduce you to Tobio-kun.”_

“That rich, gamer guy?”

_“Uhh… Kenma-kun is too busy managing his stock right now to even think about dating.”_

“And what makes you think that _I_ have time for dating?”

_“Because you’re fucking miserable. Guess again.”_

“It couldn’t be his roommate in Brazil, right? Because you might fancy long distance relationship, but I’m not that much of a masoch-”

_“It’s Kei-kun!”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Osamu didn’t really understand romance.

He would like to understand it. Maybe one day. But he definitely didn't need it now.

He got the general idea of love. Liking something so much that you wanted it to be yours, sacrificing other things that you held dear for the sake of it. At least that was the gist he got from what he learned when he realized that he loved food to the point of wanting to dedicate his life to it, even if he needed to let go of some part of himself that had been with him for so long.

It was hunger. That hunger to possess. Making it as yours.

Now, Osamu didn’t really know whether romance could be in the same category as his love for food. But he thought maybe there could be some resemblance to it. And the thought of possessing a person in the name of love was somehow too strange for him to comprehend.

He saw people fall in love, could recognize it and could respect people for it.

He remembered how he used to get at least two confessions a month back in school. Rejected them, of course, because the thought of dedicating himself to one person was, again, too weird.

Osamu thought that maybe his twin knew better about this field of area than him, and for once, Osamu didn’t feel like competing with Atsumu regarding this.

He saw his brother liking some people in school. Crushes, people said.

Atsumu looked like he was having fun. Not as much as when he was playing volleyball, far from it even, but he was having a great time nonetheless.

And then he saw Atsumu fall completely in love.

Free fall.

No stopping.

Without any safety net.

And different from seeing Atsumu having a crush before, now witnessing Atsumu in love was another different story. It intrigues him and got him thinking, _oh_ , _that looks interesting._

He saw Atsumu get excited, smiling like a mad man, worrying worse than a nosy mom, jealous like a petty young boy, blushing like a boiled lobster, sad like he wouldn’t live another day, and just… so unbelievably in love.

Atsumu was a thousand emotions in one just because of one person. It was terrifying and interesting at the same time. 

  
  
  
  


He talked about it with Atsumu one day after his brother just finished his daily Skype session with Shouyo who was in Brazil for beach volleyball at that time. Atsumu was all smile and laugh and blush when he was on the call with his boyfriend, but as soon as the call was disconnected because it was eight in the morning there in Brazil and Shouyo had to get ready for practice, Atsumu looked like his heart just taken away from him. Which Osamu thought maybe that was actually the case, with Shouyo so far away from him to reach.

He looked at Atsumu, laying flat on the bed with his eyes empty looking up at the ceiling, and it just came out of his mouth.

“Why would you do that?” he asked.

It took a few seconds for Atsumu to notice that the question was directed at him. His eyes focused, and his head finally turned to Osamu. “Huh?” he replied briefly.

“I said why would you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Giving all your heart to Shouyo-kun.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Osamu shrugged. “Seems kinda risky.”

Atsumu blinked at him, and Osamu didn’t continue further, suddenly felt that his twin wouldn’t understand his point no matter how he explained. So he just laid down next to him on the bed, his head propped by his hands under it. Now he was the one who looked up to the ceiling. He let silent stretch for a while between them.

“You know,” Osamu started. “It looks risky. Just seeing you laid yourself bare like that. That your heart was practically lay vulnerable outside your chest.”

Atsumu didn’t say anything. Probably too dumbfounded to respond. Not getting what Osamu meant. That Osamu was saying that Atsumu didn’t care to give his heart to Shouyo, just rip it out his chest, and trust Shouyo to not crush it, letting his heart completely in the little guy’s mercy, letting Shouyo to have all the power.

But then again, Osamu knew it wasn’t one-sided. Shouyo, too, left his heart back here in Japan, while he just braved himself going all the way to Brazil, trusting Atsumu to keep it safe, protect it so he had something to hold onto, sort of like a lighthouse to guide him home.

At the end of the day, Osamu just closed his mouth. He sort of had the answer now for his earlier question he threw to his twin. _Why would you give all your heart to Shouyo-kun?_ Because Shouyo did exactly the same. He gave all his heart to Atsumu, too.

And Osamu guessed that was why Atsumu wasn’t terrified of falling. They were falling together, after all. Free fall. No stopping. Without any safety net. But together anyway.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He talked about it again one day when Atsumu came to his onigiri shop with Shouyo after the now-signed MSBY Black Jackals player just got back from Brazil a few weeks ago, and with the high from Shouyo finally coming back and him being accepted to MSBY still fresh, of course he would tail anywhere Atsumu go. Or maybe Atsumu was the one who asked him to go anywhere with him.

Very understandable. And adorable. But Osamu still found it a little ridiculous that they were practically inseparable nowadays.

The talk, or the question, didn’t come from him this time. It was the freshly-just-back-from-Brazil boy who threw the question.

“Don't you want to date someone, Osamu-san?”

Atsumu laughed at that, probably thinking that his perfect boyfriend was teasing him, while in fact Shouyo was serious. So Osamu ignored his twin, but he still stopped his hands working on shaping his onigiri, and turned to the tanned man.

He was silent for a while, thinking. He had been thinking about it for awhile now. Not that the thought whether he wanted to experience love or not was constantly in his mind, but sometimes it just crossed his mind. So he just answered Shouyo with something he happened to come up with during his self-questioning, based on what he saw through his brother.

“I would love to,” Osamu said. “If there was someone that could make me think and feel that other people don’t matter other than them. I want to have feelings like that for someone.”

Osamu had expected the couple would tease him for it. But instead, they went silent, and slowly faced each other, smiling like someone who knew that they had found theirs. 

That one person that would make them feel like anyone else didn’t matter.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_“It’s Kei-kun!”_

Osamu froze. Not that kind of dramatic freeze, but he just stopped moving to let the gears in his brain turn.

Because for once, he recognized that name because Shouyo had said it a few times. And second, he sort of also felt familiar with that name, he could vaguely picture the owner of the name even, albeit it was pretty unrecognizable in his mind. And third, somehow _Kei_ rang pretty nicely, and Osamu was just genuinely taken aback by just how beautiful it sounded.

“Kei-kun?” Osamu leaned onto the counter, his rice completely forgotten. “Which one is that again?”

_“Are you serious? Kei, Tsukishima Kei. Karasuno’s No. 11. He was no. 8 the second time we faced them. The one with glasses. The tallest one. That incredibly smart and infuriating middle blocker. Ring a bell?”_

Osamu frowned.

He got the picture in his head now, albeit kind of blurry. Out of focus. It had been four years after all.

What he remembered, though, was the terrifying blocks, the clever tactics, the frustrating provocations. Also the moon-colored hair, and the big caramel eyes even behind the thick glasses.

_"Hello? 'Samu? You still there?"_

Osamu felt his lips were pulled upward, the chuckle he let out was voluntary. "Sounds interesting."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


What Osamu learned from his twin was, even the deepest kind of love didn't start off from love at first sight.

He never saw someone so in love other than his whipped brother, yet even he knew that Atsumu didn't fall in love right at the first sight with Shouyo.

Interest. Just that. And it was enough. Enough to be the foundation of now a relationship so strong to last a lifetime.

So when Osamu came to watch the semi final game between Sendai Frogs and Yotsuya Motor Spirits, and saw how the player with the green jersey with number 17 on his back shone like the brightest moon on the court, he could only smirk and cursed under his breath.

Because, dammit, maybe interest, or fall in love at first sight in disguise, ran in the family.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Osamu decided, in 23 years of his life, that Tsukishima Kei was one of the prettiest persons he ever met.

He said "one of", yet honestly he couldn't think of anyone else being this beautiful. But saying that 'Tsukishima Kei is prettiest person he ever met' sounded way too cheesy and whipped for his standard. So he stayed with 'one of' for now.

"Sweet-tooth, huh?"

Osamu cringed inwardly, because what the hell with that basic filler question. But honest to God, with Tsukishima Kei sitting across from him in this cute cafe in the middle of Shinjuku, he couldn't, for the life of him, calm down.

Screw it. This was a first date, after all. Anyone was allowed to be awkward and basic on first dates. Not to mention, Osamu's date was Tsukishima Kei, so he had every right in the whole fucking universe to be nervous here.

He didn't even care that his twin brother and his orange-haired boyfriend were most probably laughing at his nervous ass. Osamu had a Tsukishima Kei looking straight at him from behind his venti glass, already half empty of his red velvet frappuccino. He had every right to be nervous.

Also, Osamu really needed to stop calling him with his full name inside his head.

Kei shrugged. "I'd say I'm pretty average."

"What's your favorite food?"

Kei didn't answer right away. He shifted his glance to the side instead, and sipped on his frappuccino, before mumbling, "Strawberry shortcake."

Osamu almost lost control of himself to fight the urge to slam his head onto the table. Because this couldn't be real. Someone so pretty _and_ cute couldn't exist.

  
  
  
  
  
  


For their second date, Osamu asked Kei to come to the opening of his new branch in Osaka. Which probably was not a good decision, and they probably couldn’t call it a date at all. Osamu was swarmed with work and customers and rice and steam and more customers.

Okay, maybe Osamu was delighted that his business showed no sign of losing popularity but… Kei was _here_ , and he had to work. He barely even uttered a two-words greeting to him earlier.

Osamu now saw from behind the counter how Kei was surrounded by the MSBY boys, who also came to support his shop opening. Kei had Shouyo sitting on his right while Bokuto clung to his left side. Atsumu was leaning from across the table, talking with a big smile on his face, probably telling embarrassing stories about Osamu. And then there was Sakusa who just leaned to the chair, watching all of it ensued.

Osamu never cursed or frowned during his working hour. That was just how it was when you worked in the food service field. You had to keep on smiling. But just this once, Osamu let himself click his tongue, barely inaudible, as he got back to scooping his rice. 

For the first time ever, he wanted to finish up as soon as possible.

“What’s with the owner having a sour face?”

Osamu almost dropped the rice radle. Gosh, he used to slap Atsumu on the head every time he said something unbearably cheesy back then, but here he was. Seeing Kei standing at the front of his counter, being his usual pretty self, Osamu’s day had become a thousand times better.

Osamu put down his rice radle. His taut facial muscles immediately relaxed. “Running away from them?”

“Your confidence in me is too high if you think I can handle being with them for more than thirty minutes.”

“Sakusa’s not that bad.”

“Please. He’s in the same circle as Bokuto-san, Hinata, and your twin, he’s just as bad.”

He chuckled, the urge to reach over to just… touch him, was so strong. But Osamu just had to be satisfied with only looking at him for now.

For now.

“How is it? Do you like my onigiri?”

Kei frowned. Very cute. “This is not the first time I tried your onigiri.”

“Really? I feel honored, Kei.”

“Shut up.”

God, Osamu wanted this man so much.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Osamu wouldn’t make a mistake for their third date. This time, he made sure that he booked the entire day solely for their date. No work, no practice, no annoying friends, no distractions whatsoever.

However, Kei was one of the busiest persons on earth. If he wasn’t practicing to prepare for the next friendly match or the next tournament, he would be burying his head with books on his college library for his final thesis. So getting a completely free day with his busy schedule was practically impossible. But Kei made time for Osamu anyway.

And didn’t that made Osamu want to howl on the top of the mountain like a mad man.

“Are we going now or you just want to stay in this station for the rest of the day?”

Trust Kei to immediately shut down his cheesy thought in a matter of split second. Osamu shook his head, trying to get rid of his daydreaming and just enjoy being in the presence of his moon. He couldn’t waste Kei’s precious time after he made time for him. Osamu already went all the way to Sendai, too, to visit him.

Atsumu’s guffaw still rang in his ears after Osamu heard it through the phone when he told his twin that he was going to visit Kei in Miyagi, all the way from Hyogo.

_“From Hyogo to Miyagi. Wow, that sounds familiar, ‘Samu. But guess who doesn't need to visit their boyfriend in Miyagi anymore now because we live in the same dorm? Me! Ha! Eat that, ‘Samu.”_

Screw his twin. Osamu already lost his entire face in front of Atsumu now. Being a love sick boy that he swore he wouldn’t be when he witnessed his brother being the exact replica of him right now.

“Don’t be a smartass. I brought you something,” he said as he led Kei out of the station where the blond picked him up before he would accompany Osamu to go around Miyagi.

“What is it?”

“Our shop’s new menu.”

“Oh? You didn’t tell me that you’re working on a new recipe.”

“Because I want it to be a surprise for today, obviously.”

“You made it for me?”

Kei stopped on his track, facing him, his eyes wide. Like he didn’t expect it at all. That only made Osamu smile. “Uh-huh, take a look at it.”

Osamu handed the paper bag with a paper box inside. He gulped, couldn’t help it. Because while they had been texting and calling each other constantly, having a few dates, and Osamu just generally showed how much he cared for this man, this would practically be his pre-confession to Kei. Indirectly telling him that he was _this_ serious about them that they considered to put a new menu just for him.

So Osamu waited, watching like a hawk as Kei opened the box.

And then Kei was stunned, raising his head slowly. His expression was in between confused and holding a laugh.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to sell strawberry shortcake-filled onigiri, Osamu-san.”

Osamu blinked a couple of times, processing what had been said.

“Wha- Kei, I might be Atsumu’s twin but I’m not that crazy.”

“But-”

“My new menu is strawberry shortcake.”

Kei went all red. “I thought- I mean- Your shop is an onigiri shop, so I thought- Osamu-san, stop laughing. I didn’t know why I think that, I’m so stupid. Osamu-”

Osamu kissed Kei for the first time right then and there. In the middle of the train station’s lobby. Kei was still holding the box with three strawberry shortcakes inside. Osamu tiptoed a little, holding onto Kei’s firm waist and shoulder. They looked like a sore thumb in the middle of the sea of people. And they had to go to their date destination. But Osamu didn't care.

He had found it. That one person that would make him feel like anyone else, anything else, didn’t matter.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was ridiculous how otherworldly it felt.

They were in Kei’s room, and Kei was in Osamu’s arms. They sat at the feet of his bed, the TV was on, showing the recording of the practice match between Kei’s team and some Division 2 team that Osamu was sure had ‘elephant’ on its name. The whole room smelled like strawberry soap, because Kei just got out of the shower after his practice match. Osamu was hugging Kei from behind, while Kei sagged his entire body on him.

And it was ridiculous how otherworldly it felt. To have Kei in his arms.

Osamu only just arrived, but Kei had had a long, grueling day of practice. So the moment he snuggled against Osamu, his energy quickly dropped. The fact that this was the first time Osamu visited his house, the first time Osamu entered his room, and the first time that they were so close to each other like this, were pushed to the back of Kei’s mind, it seemed. Which Osamu didn’t mind. On the contrary, he absolutely adored how Kei was a whole eight centimeters taller than him yet he felt so small right now.

Osamu’s thought was stuck on the idea that they were currently dancing on the dating-not-dating territory. He wasn’t someone who liked to be unclear about something. He knew what he wanted, and he would try hard to get it.

He knew what he wanted now. He wanted Kei. Wanted Kei to be his lover. His boyfriend. His.

But then again, this was _Kei…_ He wanted to do right by him.

Osamu accidentally tightened his hold, which probably jerked Kei up. He jolted up, then turned around, finding Osamu right behind him.

Then he smiled.

When Osamu landed his eyes on Kei's smiling face, he thought that, _ah_ , when people talk about falling in love they must be talking about this.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“What did Shouyo-kun say?”

“I don’t even want to remember.”

“Let me guess. He said the both of you are in-laws now.”

Kei grunted. “Can’t believe he’s the first person I told about this.”

Osamu finished up placing the breakfast on the plate. Just a simple bread, egg benedict, and sausage for his hungry lover on this bright morning.

_Lover._

He didn’t even remember how it actually happened. Kei was the one who visited him yesterday, stayed over, and it somewhat felt like a blur and crystal clear at the same time. How Osamu closed the door to his room, how Kei kissed him, how he pushed Kei to his bed, how uncontrollable his breathing was, how hasty and clumsy the move of his hands were, and how it was not enough. It was never enough. Osamu wanted to swallow Kei whole.

He would ask Kei for another round later, but first, he had a lover to feed. So he walked again to his bed, bringing a full plate of breakfast and a glass of strawberry milk.

Kei eyed him. “You know, I might love strawberry shortcake, but it doesn’t mean you have to feed me every strawberry flavor thing in the world.”

Osamu got onto the bed, and left a small peck on Kei’s lips. “Sure, mooncake.”

“I’m serious.”

“Uh-huh, eat.”

Osamu didn’t miss the way Kei’s pout was wiped away instantly after he tasted the strawberry milk. Osamu’s boyfriend was officially the cutest thing in the world. The combination of Kei’s fluffy bed hair, his puffy pillow face, Osamu’s oversized tee he was wearing, his sleepy yet lively eyes as he downed his breakfast, might as well be the death of him.

Osamu was busy watching his boyfriend munching on his food when the loud sound of his ringtone disturbed their peaceful morning. He rolled his eyes, because even without looking at the caller ID, he knew.

"This couple, I swear," Osamu hissed, but there was barely malice in his tone. Honestly, nothing could spoil his mood today, even his brother.

Kei smirked at him as Osamu unwillingly moved to his desk where he put his phone last night. The blocker knew damn well that he already got his unwanted morning call with Hinata, and now it was Osamu's turn.

Osamu quickly tapped the green button. "Make it quick."

_"So, I heard you got a lover now, huh?"_

"And I wonder where did you know that from."

_"My cute boyfriend."_

"Of course."

_"Congratulations, Osamu-san!"_

Shouyo must be right beside his twin right now. "Thank you, Shouyo-kun."

_"Can't wait to see you being whipped, 'Samu. What did you say to me back then? Oh. 'Smiling like a mad man, worrying worse than a nosy mom, jealous like a petty young boy, blushing like a boiled lobster, sad like you wouldn’t live another day, and just so unbelievably in love'."_

"Are you done?"

_"For now. I'll never shut up about this. Now let me talk to Kei-kun."_

Osamu frowned. Then he turned to Kei, already finished with his food, looking dumbfounded because, _no_ , he didn't want to deal with Hinata _and_ Atsumu in the morning. 

But then again, Osamu might be the better twin, but he was the evil one. So he strode toward the bed while Kei just kept on shaking his head, begging for Osamu to not give the phone to him.

"What does he want?" Kei grunted, his sour face was still adorable.

Now Osamu might be evil, but he also really loved his boyfriend. So he just chuckled and sat behind the tall blond, brought him closer until he could give him a tight embrace, a tiny peck on his cheek, and put the phone on speaker, placing the phone right in front of Kei's mouth.

"You're on speaker, 'Tsumu," he said as he put his chin on Kei's shoulder comfortably.

_"Good morning, Kei-kun. Have a good sleep last night?"_

Osamu could feel Kei rolling his eyes even without seeing it. "Just be done with the shovel talk already, Atsumu-san."

_"This is not a shovel talk. Not at all."_

It was if the light atmosphere from before was gone. Kei was visibly surprised, even Osamu was surprised. But before he asked, Atsumu continued.

_"Just want to say, please take care of 'Samu. I'm pretty sure this is the first time he falls in love. He loves you so much, so don't break his heart. He'll literally die, I think. And if he dies, I'll die. And if I die, Shouyo will die. And I don't want Shouyo to die. So don't hurt him."_

Osamu felt Kei's hand try to reach his free hand. Squeezing it hard as soon as they linked their fingers together.

"I'll keep that in mind, Atsumu-san."

_"Good. Also, Shouyo is really happy that you guys are going to be in-laws, so definitely don't break up with 'Sam-"_

Kei pushed the red button on Osamu's phone screen, cutting the line. Just like that, the easy atmosphere was instantly back, and Osamu threw his back with laughter, bringing Kei with him to lay beside him.

Their foreheads touched, and admiring Kei's beautiful features like this was the thing he wanted to do for the rest of his life.

"So you'll die if I break your heart?" Kei asked.

Osamu smiled. "I think so."

"I think I'll die too if you break my heart," Kei responded. "But I'd still give you my heart, anyway."

"Me too, Kei." Osamu kissed him. "Me too."

At the end of the day, Osamu didn't think he knew for sure what love was, even after he experienced it himself.

The urge to possess someone? Kei was his, and he was Kei's, but he didn't think he wanted to own Kei, and he didn't think Kei wanted to own him. So not that.

Finding that one person that would make them feel like anyone else didn’t matter? Almost, but not really spot on, because while it was true that Kei was someone who mattered the most to him now, someone who he wanted to cherish the most, he had other people he cared so much about.

So maybe, just maybe, love was this:

The moment when you realized that you would probably die if they break your heart, that it would crush and destroy you, but you still did it anyway, still gave your heart away, and put your trust on them to take care of it well.

As Osamu looked into Kei's caramel eyes, he knew that he was falling. But he also knew that they were falling together.

Free fall.

No stopping.

Without any safety net.

But together anyway.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
